SQotD: Light Up The Sky

 Light Up The Sky

Your making choice to live like this,
And all of the noise,
I Am Silence.
We already know how it ends tonight,
You run in the dark through a firefight.
And I would explode just to save your life,
Yeh I would explode.

Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.
Let me light up the sky.

I can't find a wall to pin this to,
Their all coming down since i've found you.
I just wanna be where you are tonight.
I run in the dark looking for some light,
And how will we know if we just don't try,
We won't ever know.

Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.

Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me make this mine,
I'll ignite for you.

Let me light up the sky,
Just for you tonight.
Let me help you fly,
Cause you won't have time.
Cover your eyes,
Get your disguise,
They won't ask you why,
They just watch you die.

And it's still so hard to be who you are,
So you play this part,
The show goes on.
You've come this far with a broken heart,
Yeh you've come this far,
And you've broken.

Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me make this mine,
I'll ignite for you,
I'll ignite for you.

Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.

And it's still so hard to be who you are,
But you've come this far with a broken heart.
And it's still so hard to be who you are,
But you've come this far with a broken...

Let me light up the sky,
Let me light up the sky.

- Yellowcard, Paper Walls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe0FS6Am488


     I've often pondered on the meaning of this sky and I've been meaning to blog about what I've discovered so far, and I think I have a good start. I never really liked this song all that much until one day in student council when 'Mathematics' was singing it and I began singing the lyrics in my head and I thought about what I was saying. I read through them and not do I only love this song because it is super fun to sing to, but the words are incredible. I think it really has two meanings. One is really like letting go and just admitting you are in love, but that it also demonstrates that love is sacrifice. It shows how hard it is to show how you feel and to say what you feel, especially when you've had your heart your broken, so you hide behind a mask, because "You've come this far with a broken heart." I am beginning to understand this more and more. 
      You see this is one of the great things that describes the beauty of Yellowcard. Unlike every other punk rock band, Yellowcard never really states what they are saying. They use analogies in a way, but they also really go to the heart of the problem, so that you really have to ponder what they are saying. Yellowcard is not for the easy listener. I've only shared one description of this song though. 
       I think the other way to take it is to show the every day battle that everyone goes through besides those desperate for attention. You have to keep all you feel inside because no one cares to listen. You are so broken and destroyed inside, but the people will never know because you put up this face to make everyone happy and so they don't understand what you are going through. 
        I like to think I understand this better than  most people. All through my Sophomore year I had to hide my completely destroyed heart just to make everyone happy. Whenever people ask "How are you doing?" everyone responds with good, alright, ok, great, etc. but what if you said terrible. What are they going to do. I almost want to just say, "Horrible, but did you really want to know?" I guess this song is really just trying to show how you live your life with a broken heart, and you survive everyday, but sometimes you need someone. 
       I've gone off on a lot of tangents, but I think I understand this. I locked myself up so much through my sophomore year that I can even keep secrets from my best friend and I struggle to open up because I've been closed for so long. I guess it's really hard for everyone and I think I have it bad because as a student body officer everyone expects you to be happy, but it's not always that way. There was a student body president 20 years ago who was kicked out of his house and lived in between houses all year. I suppose, "You never know a man till you walk two moons in his moccasins." But if you wear his slippers, it doesn't count, just his moccasins, just kidding. Maybe we are all struggling and looking for that one person who will always be there to listen. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that we all do have that person, but no one realizes it. Our savior understands completely what we are going through and he will always listen and give perfect advice. I think I'm answering my own prayers. I love blogging. Anyway, I think Christ is our listener in all, he will light up the sky for us to show us his love. 
    As a final note, I want all of those reading this to know, that I truly do care, and I know it's hard to communicate this through cyber space, but I always will listen. You are worth my time. So Nellie, and Cam, my most dedicated followers, I want you to know that I'm always here to listen, and I always love to listen. I hope you guys really know that. You two mean the world to me and the times when you need a tangible person there for you give me a call even if it is 2 in the morning and your house is flooding and you are desperate. Thanks for reading. I'm glad to be back.

My blog name

Just one thing about names. Apparently everyone has a blog name so no one quite knows who they are, unless they know them. So I guess you could call me Tarzan, because my parents almost named me Tarzan, or I'm thinking about Grunamin Gratta (groon-a-min grott-u(like in sup)), which is what my brother Kram told me was my name backwards until I grew a brain. But I actually hate that so much, because my little sister sometimes calls me gruny in a very annoying snidy tone. So maybe stick with Tarzan, or just Tarz, or maybe even Gerg. Comment with your opinions please. :)

Let's Dance

I feel a little weird that I haven't posted anything in 5 days. I've really just had nothing to say. No inspiring thoughts in my head and heart. I felt like I had so much to say and now it's all gone. I almost feel empty. Hopefully trying will make it easier to do so. I just need to get in touch with my soul I guess.
I found this in the quote in the autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley the author of Roots. I want to share this with those of you who say you can't dance. Just read,
"But I still harbored one secret humiliation: I couldn't dance.
I can't remember when it was that I actually learned how--that is to say, I can't recall the specific night or nights. But dancing was the chief action at those "pad parties," so I've no doubt about how and why my initiation into lindyhopping came about. With alcohol or marijuana lightening my head, and that wild music wailing away on those portable record players, it didn't take long to loosen up the dancing instincts in my African heritage. All I remember is that during some party around this time, when nearly everyone but me was dancing, some girl grabbed me--they often would take the initiative and grab a partner, for no girl at those parties ever would dream that anyone present couldn't dance--and there I was out on the floor.
I was up in the jostling crowd--and suddenly, unexpectedly, I got the idea. It was as though somebody had clicked on a light. My long-suppressed African instincts broke though, and loose.
Having spent so much time in Mason's white environment, I had always believed and feared that dancing involved a certain order or pattern of specific steps--as dancing is done by whites. But here among my own less-inhibited people, I discovered it was simply letting your feet, hands and body spontaneously act out whatever impulses were stirred by the music."

Okay here is the note that applies to everyone: Anyone can dance. Some might say that it's only because he was black, but that is not true and chances are you have a little bit of black blood somewhere in your family line or you could be like my friend Lane and actually bleed black blood. ha ha. . .  Anyway, just read that underlined part again and the bolded part twice. Also notice the girls can take initiative. But really just listen to Malcolm. Everyone can dance. Just let your body take control and shake it out. Everyone can do it. I went to my first stake dance the day after I turned 14. I had no clue how to dance. I had never seen anyone break dance, nor had I ever really tried. I got in there and just let the beat rock me "got in touch with that African heritage," and let it take control. That was probably in the top 5 most fun stake dances I ever went to. My friend Doomsday and I had a stinkin good time. So just remember the next time you go to a dance that you just let loose and dance. As Bo Bennett said, "Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done." Don't tell me you can't dance, because everyone can. I'll see you at the next dance dancing.

As a note, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm ready to blog again, so you can scratch what I said at first because this worked. 

Super Heroes and broken mirrors

Tonight my family was watching Iron Man 2. I commented on how much I didn't like how full of himself Tony Stark is, and my father said all these heroes are broken characters. That really got me to thinking, and I said "Maybe that is why everyone likes them so much." I realized I love heroes like Spiderman because he is just like me fighting the everyday battle. Everyone says that they don't like Superman because he has all the powers and no restrictions besides Kryptonite, and I used to feel that way till I watched Smallville. I realize now that the real heroes are the ones who have everyday trials, but still put aside themselves to save the world. They have to realize the difference between what they need and what they want. Heroes give up everything for the benefit of others. They are examples. You can see that they lose themselves and fight harder than anyone else to find who they are for this I think I will add a song.

Song Quote of the Day: Gifts & Curses

Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before? I was sure.

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(she is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), a villian I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you. Fight on for you ...

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, its all for you
and my worst pains are words I cannot say
still I will always fight on for you. Fight on for you. Fight on for you...

A Veteran

"A Veteran is someone, who at one point in their life, wrote a blank check payable to the United States of America for an amount up to, and including, their life. That is beyond honor and there are way too many people in this country who no longer remember that fact." - Conrad Davis
At one point in my life I strongly considered joining the marines because of the example of a young lady named Erica Apgood. She decided to join the army and when I heard her say why, I had to ask myself why I wasn't doing what I could to make my country proud of me and to serve my country. I gained a new appreciation veterans today as I got up at 4:55 AM to set up flags to honor those who have died for or/and served our country. That is the definition of a hero.

Putting violence in a whole new perspective

I've been thinking about an interesting thing about violence. I mentioned this idea to my friend Jared Hall and he said "That really takes violence to a whole new level." Here is my idea. Just listen closely and think if you ever want to hurt yourself or anyone else ever again. I realized some time ago that all the pain we go through in life Christ suffered also. So when I punch someone in the fist really hard, I'm really punching Christ aren't I? Suppose I were doing an SBO Dare and I waxed my legs. Christ felt that pain, but if I wouldn't have done such a dare, Christ would not have felt that pain, because it wouldn't have happened. You could rationalize that one pain doesn't differ from another and Christ suffered up to a google amount of pains, but every pain and affliction does matter, because Christ felt each pain individually. I imagine that as Christ went through the process of the atonement that he saw the face of each person he was saving and went through their whole lives feeling each and every pain, one at a time, that they ever felt. I know that Christ suffered for the pains and sins of all the people who did live, are living, and ever will live. He knows the suffering of a mother who has lost a child, He understands what it feels like to be that kid with no friends, He has felt the pain of the shy boy who got shut down for a date, He's been the little girl who skins her knee, and He has felt the excruciating pain of the most vile sinners, who come back to repent. He understands me and you. So the next time you punch your little brother of smack your little sister, and I am as guilty as anyone else, just think about who you really are punching or smacking. Just know that the pain that you don't go through, Christ doesn't have to suffer for either. Maybe no one will read this, or no one will care, but I know that this idea will make a difference in my life. Jesus, I am living for you.

10%? Any day for Thee Lord

Dear Heavenly Father,
       This may seem as an interesting place to put this on my blog, but I want to show the world how grateful I am for Thee and for the great blessing Thou dost bestow upon me. I thought today as I cashed the two checks I had that ended up being $26.26. I needed $23.49 to pay for my preference vest. I took out my tithing $2.63 and I was left with $23.63. That is only 14 cents to spare. Father I thank Thee that even though I have tried to get a job and have had little success, Thou dost provide me with just as much as I need at the time when I need it. Thou hast never let me down. I asked Thee to help me have as much money as I need if I didn't get a job, and Thou has done so. The great blessing of paying Tithing in my life is greater than I ever anticipated and I realized today Father, that all along, Thou hast been blessed me for paying my Tithing with just enough money when I needed it. When I had to pay $214 for my sweater, I had just as much as I needed and nothing more. I thank thee Father. I want to tell another story to Thee. I was talking to we'll call this individual Shane and they said that they had spent all the money they had for Preference. They informed me that they were worried about money, but what do you know. Through their teaching piano lessons a mother of a student paid off debts of $80, and Shane has enough for Preference. I told Shane that it was because of Thee and because they had paid their Tithing. I thank Thee for this great gift. I hope that the world begins to understand Thy great power and glory. Once again Heavenly Father, thank you.

      Love, Thy son,
              Gregory Joseph Rellaford

Song Quote of the Day: Only One

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

 http://www.lyrics007.com/Yellowcard%20Lyrics/Only%20One%20Lyrics.html

This is my all time favorite song. It's been that way for 4 years now. Sometimes I wonder why I love it so much and now I begin to analyze it. It has a great tune, great words, the singer has really good vowels especially later. This song truly strikes my heart in an unparalleled way. The violin is truly incredible. The music video is really good too. I was listening to a live and acoustic version of this song and I remembered once again how much I love this song. It truly inspires me. The way Ryan Key screams those notes, you can just feel the emotion pouring out of his soul as he sings. That is why I love Yellowcard so much. Most punk rock bands are all the same talking about how they got dumped and how much their girlfriend sucks. Yellowcard is different. They attack the core of the problem. They sing about other things, and when they sing I feel like they are "screaming their lungs out" to get people to hear what they are saying and to understand them. I feel like sometimes my soul is just screaming "Understand me! Please!" In that way I feel like Yellowcard is also a really relateable band and that nobody really sees them as such, but they truly are inspiring. They help me feel comfortable inside of myself and help me to reach to new depths inside of myself, so here is a thank you to Ryan Key (vocals and guitars), Sean Mackin (violin and vocals), Longineu Parsons III (drums), and Ryan Mendez (guitars). And thank you also for getting back together and creating a new album. I've been missing you guys. It sounds good and I am excited.

Comments and Messages

I was just barely thinking about something. Ya, I know right, okay, anyway. You know when you get on Facebook and you see that you have like 13 notifications and 3 messages. Isn't that the greatest feeling?  I love that. I don't know why though. Maybe it just makes me feel loved and noticed. Like you get on your blog and to your surprise someone has commented on your blog! What a surprise. Isn't that curious. I'll have to think about that some more. Just next time you get a comment or message, just think about how you feel knowing that someone wanted to talk to you. So, thank you Chloe and Shanelle for following my blog, and in hopes that I'm not talking to no one. Thanks for listening.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Today during Family Scripture Study we sang Hark! The Herald Angels Sing. I wrote a 3rd verse for it. I thought I would share it with you.
O, the gifts the Wise men bring, there to crown the King of Kings.
Shephards come to see the Babe, His desire, their souls to save.
Peace He brings to hearts and minds. Born to battle Satan's might.
He will save our souls with light, Christ is King our soul's delight.
Hark! The herald angels sing. Glory to the newborn King.

Snowflakes

The snow is soon approaching. I'm actually quite excited for it. Today my mother asked me to make a bunch of snowflakes for my sister Hannah's class. I began making these my mom and I talked about how each snow flake is different. I was reminded of how much I love cutting out snowflakes. I said to my mom, "What if God cuts out every single snowflake and that is why they are all different." She of course mocked me and said "God spends all His time making snowflakes." I said, "Well the angels help Him." I know it sounds kiddish, but what if God does cut each and every snowflake, just like he trains us and makes each trial applicable to us. I think God does many things that we can ever imagine and he knows each of us personally, with every quality, flaw, fault, and feature, so why couldn't he know every single snowflake and cut them each out one by one. So just remember, the next time a snowflake falls on you, that God, our Father, made that snowflake, just like he made and watches over you.

The pros and cons: Facebook vs. Blogs, from what I can tell at this point

I've only had a blog for a little over 12 hours at this point, and this is already my third entry. I seriously could just write like a million posts in one day and still have more to say, but since I, and my good friend Chloe Mehr set up my blog, and her new Facebook account, I thought I would comment on the benefits and bummers of each. So this is what I can decide so far of the differences, so far, also implies that there may be more posts like this one.

Facebook:
The Cons - It's a little bit impersonal, though I don't mind to much. That lack of personalness can be a little bit annoying sometimes. From time to time you may want to write on the wall of a friend or something and then you are writing back and forth on each others walls and stalker ladies in her ward will start raising their eyebrows and asking her if something is going on between her and I. That leads to another frustration for another post.
- It's a little bit to social I think. The truth is I have a problem with friends. You see, as an officer of the school I feel it is my responsibility to be friends with all people, so if someone adds me and I don't know them I will accept for two reasons. 1. They might be a student I don't know. 2. I have 1014 friends on FB right now, which I consider an accomplishment and some boyish part of me always wants to be the best. You always want to have more friends than someone else, and be more popular. I should probably just be friends with the people I know.
- The difference between Facebook and Blog posts are you can use more that 420 characters. Really? It's so hard to fit everything I want to say on Facebook into 420 characters, which include spaces. Often times I can't even put a verse and chorus of a song on my post. It's kind of annoying.
-Why does everyone whine on Facebook? People just get on their and say my day sucked, everyone feel sorry for me. Well, my brother does at least. Why don't you just come out and say it straight, which is another later blog post. He also updates us on his video game status, just letting me know and 500 other mature people that he beat Ganandorf today.

So enough bad things her are the
Pros - I actually do like that it is so social on Facebook. It makes it more interactive and you can kind of keep track of your friends that have moved out.
- You can chat on Facebook, you can't do that on blogger.
- You can send messages to each other on Facebook, that is kind of cool. Nobody uses email hardly since FB came around.
-Facebook has a nice easy design and it's super easy to start. Chloe and I got onto Blogger and it took me like an hour to get started. On Facebook it took us 5 minutes. It's kind of cool like that.
-Notifications: I always no that someone has added me or commented on my picture, etc. because of notifications. On blogger if someone has commented on my post only I can see it, which I appreciate, but it's kind of hard to find.


Blogger:
Cons - Basically all the cons of Blogger are the pros of Facebook. But I just want to say that Blogger is a little bit confusing.

Pros - These are all the cons of Facebook, or mostly.

Thank you for listening.

Heroic Thoughts

 "With great power, comes great responsibility." -Uncle Ben, Spiderman

“He knows a hero when he sees one. There are too few characters out there flying like that saving old girls like me. Lord knows kids like Henry need a hero, courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names, and years later they remember how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them to hold on a second longer. I believe there is a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride. Even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up... the thing we want the most.”
- Aunt May-Spiderman 2

"You said that the world doesn't need a savior, but everyday I hear people crying for one." - Superman, Superman Returns


"It's not who I am that defines me, it's what I do." - Batman, Batman Begins


These are my favorite quotes, that have to do with super heroes. I think a lot of time that people look at super hero movies as just really cool and all about the action. I think the truth is they are really about the deeper meaning. Each of these quotes represents the deeper meaning of the movie. 
I think my favorite is the second one though. It really inspires me and shows one of my deepest desires. I try everyday to fulfill to myself to be a hero. But like a super hero. I wish so much everyday that I could fly. I wish that I could be like a hero like Superman that can save the whole world. I could help so many people. But I have only had that desire filled twice. The most recent time was when one of my friends sprained her ankle severally and I carried her to her car. Though seemingly insignificant, it is the moment's like those that fulfill me the most. So you girls that read this, if you decide to go an injure yourself in front of me so that I can carry you to the hospital and fulfill myself, then thanks, but it's not worth it. What I really like especially from Aunt May is that she says something about sacrifice. "I believe there is a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride. Even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up... the thing we want the most." 
Really we all are heroes, for living everyday, for serving others, for spreading the gospel, and the list goes on. Christ is the greatest Hero of all though. He sacrificed his whole life for us, because he loves us. He did all those things, was steady and gave up his life, for us. If we don't use that power of the atonement, then he really just wasted his time. But what amazes me is that even if I, and only I, used the power of the atonement, He still would have gone through his whole life and suffered the sins of all the people who have ever lived, who are living, and who ever will live. Just for me. He would do all that just for me. He suffered more pain than any man or maybe even God has ever suffered, even just for me. 
I realize that for me sometimes in my prayers I know that I will have to give up what I want most. That is true sacrifice, but would you ever think that you can sacrifice what you want, to be who you want to be? It's true. Sometimes I have to, and you will have to give up what you want most, but it will be for your own benefit. I think we will all learn this lesson sooner or later. There is only one way that we won't have to give up the thing we want the most and that is if we have our hearts in the right place. My father once told me that you need to keep Christ as the center of your life. There are a lot of things that could be the center of your life, like school, a job, a calling, a person, family, friends, etc. but if we keep Christ as the center and the atonement our greatest desire, to have that spirit to be with us, then we will never lose that. I firmly believe that. I now I've been ranting and my thoughts are unorganized, but I think those are inspiring quotes, and they are all related to the gospel and leadership. Just think about it.

My buffet analogy

Sometimes I think that you look at all these things sometimes, and it all looks good, just like a buffet, but you don't know what you want. This is how I feel about blogs.